And so, the aliens landed.

Being presumptuous little bastards, they immediately demanded,

“Take us to your leader!”

So… you did your best to put them off.

Maybe… uhm… they might first enjoy…

But oh – they are just SO demanding!

“Take us to your leader!”

Oh, I forgot – it’s February of next year already. In your back yard. With aliens.

“Take us to your leader!”

Here, you stop to explain a few things to these aliens.

“Do NOT call us aliens!”

Ah… you’re suddenly thinking you’re gonna get along after all!

You’re liking where this is headed! They’ve already taken offense!

And so you apologize for referring to them as aliens.

And you’re very sincere – because… hey, that’s what you do.

Constantly grovel and apologize just for being you! You’re so VERY horribly terribly sorry for not being even less of a horrible... person? Wait - have we banned the word "person" yet, for being too non-inclusive of those who claim to NOT be a person? Hrrmmm...

“Take us to your leader! We will then decide whether or not to destroy this planet!”


It’s now time to explain to these aliens what’s what.

I mean – if they’d only arrived just a tad bit earlier – then… then… they’d UNDERSTAND!

Y’know, what you were up against – why it is that…

Oh well – so you ask them…

“Based on what qualities… exactly? You see – “

“You do not ask questions!”

Touchy little bastards.

Right up your alley! And so you grovel and apologize some more for being you – and then do your best to grovel and apologize for what will undoubtedly result in the end of life on our little planet –

And THEN –

Donald Trump appears!?! Apparently HE still thinks that HE is your leader!

“Who is THIS!?!”

No, it wasn’t the aliens. That’s Donald Trump. Demanding you tell him who the blue creatures with the fins on their heads are, and why you’re standing in his yard?

Yes, it is your yard. But… this is Donald Trump. Master of all he surveys. Yes, that would include your back yard.

“Who are YOU!?!”

That was the aliens. Oh shit.

“I’m his fucking leader. Who the fuck are you?”

You stand behind Donald Trump, doing your best to mime that he’s lying and that he absolutely is not your leader. It was the Russians! And their YUGE Lies! On your Facebooks!

And then, you remember who actually IS your actual leader. And decide…

Hmmm… yeah… fuck it.

And, just as you’re accepting the end of the world…

OBAMA!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!! THE EARTH IS SAVED!!!!!!!

“Hello, hello – how are you? How are you? Hello, hello…”

YES!!!! YES!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!

Fuck the stupid aliens landing in your back yard.

Wait ’til everyone hears you just met THE Obama! RIGHT HERE!!!! OMFG!!!!!

You’re not even embarrassed that you’ve wet yourself a little. Stick-kay…

“Nice to meet you all. Welcome. So… whadda you think?”

You wonder what Obama is about to show them – what wonders he’s about to display…

“The universe needs a strong leader, a man of action –“

As Obama continues, you suddenly realize…

Obama is apparently running for Supreme Omnipotent Leader of the Universe?

He’s just going on about himself? About how great he is? This is new…

Oh… right – yeah, Trump saw your wife. He’s been busy hitting on her. Promising her more free stuff than Obama EVER did!


Fuuuuuck – that’s the head alien again. You’re not really practiced with alien expressions –

But you’re eager to learn more. You hope they won’t hold your ignorance against you? You’ll try harder to make their ways your own!

Anyway – you were correct. The aliens are apparently incredibly pissed off.

Obama hasn’t stopped talking about himself. The alien repeats,


Yeah – best of luck with that, buddy. Obama has built up a full head of steam there.

“Hey there now… HEY! Just a second there now…”

You have NEVER EVER been SO THANKFUL to see… JOE BIDEN!!!!!

“You do NOT tell my boss to shut up!”

Fuuuuuuuuck… He has one of them in a headlock…

Oh well… you’d kiss your wife – but, apparently she’s already left with your nemesis?

Y’know – you were right about that guy. Wrong about absolutely everything else – but…

ON the MONEY about that Trump asshole. What a dick! Damn Russians!

And, as you vaporize – at least you know that –

Oh, that’s RIGHT – you’re not stupid enough to believe in any god. Duhr…

Plus – you’d LOVE to see those backwards dumbass Christians explain HOW these fucking aliens…