Freedom From The Government Trumps Free From The Government

Posted Fri, 10/16/2009 - 12:50

Weary of an Obama-Centric World? Well, looks like the Nobel Prize for Physics is up for grabs next year - to whoever can prove that the World actually revolves around Obama.

Having been kicked off my college newspaper way back when the Politically Correct movement first reared its ugly head, even I'm shocked at the media's non-stop tanking for Our President.

APA Announces Support for Obama Health Care Initiative

Posted Tue, 10/13/2009 - 08:00

If you feel uneasy about Obama's Healthcare Initiative, please understand that your fear is likely due to a chemical imbalance in your brain. If not treated properly, this imbalance will act as an anchor, weighing you down. You'll never be normal until you agree to submit yourself and your children to the myriad of treatments our scientists have made available to properly rotate and balance your brain so that the hard knocks you might otherwise suffer in life will be forever smoothed over, providing you with a comfortable normalcy that everyone has the right to enjoy.

Media messiah still awaits his frankincense and myrrh

Posted Sun, 10/11/2009 - 23:21

Mmm..mmm...mmm! The Nobel Prize!

Obama likes shiny things. Here, show it to him! Awwwwww, isn't that precious? Okay, you can give it to him - Don't worry, it's too big - he won't swallow it. Awwwwwww...

Oh, he dropped it! It's okay, Obama! It's okay! Here, quick - give him another...

Awwwww.... isn't he just the cutest thing? Okay, who's bringing the frankincense and myrhh? Speed it up, wise men! Time's a wastin'!

MTV to Host Nobel Prize Awards!

Posted Fri, 10/09/2009 - 19:35

Cool! What with all of the honor and prestige being instantly sapped from the Awards, Nobel is teaming up with MTV to showcase the world's best and brightest! (Former Nobel Laureates are being provided VIP seating for the event. If you've won a Nobel Prize and haven't yet received your pass, please contact an event organizer at NobelPrizeAwards@MTV.com. We hope you enjoy the changes.)
Superstar Barack Obama will be headlining the event, where he'll bestow the first EVAH Nobel Prize for Fashion to celebutante, Paris Hilton! AWESOME!
Congratulations to the millions of Obama fans for making our hope a reality. Let me be clear - this prize belongs to YOU!
CORRECTION: As noted below, Michelle Obama will be receiving the Award for Nobel Fashion.

Nobel Prize Committee Files for Intellectual Bankruptcy, Announces Nobel Prize for Fashion

Posted Fri, 10/09/2009 - 16:54

Having stripped away the very last vestiges of honor once associated with the title, Nobel Laureate, the Nobel Prize Committee is considering upping the prize amounts to restore a little cachet to their beleaguered brand.
A great deal of hope is riding on new changes to the awards - the most auspicous being the all-new Nobel Prize for Fashion.
"Paris Hilton is definitely a shoo-in for our first award," a highly rank (odiferous even) Awards coordinator gushed, "But after that, it should be a WILD ride!"
For the first time, MTV will be hosting the awards show as the Nobels lay their heavy mantle on the capable shoulders of Superstar American President, Barack Obama.
UPDATE: After receiving a formal rebuke from the Obama administration, the Nobel Prize Committee has removed Paris Hilton from consideration, clearing the way for First Lady Michelle Obama to take the Nobel Prize for Fashion.
Developing...

Barack Obama Awarded Nobel Peace Prize Ad Infinitum

Posted Fri, 10/09/2009 - 15:59

And when he actually accomplishes something - clean sweep, baby!

Cheer up, aspiring Nobel Laureates. Yes, the honor may be gone - but there's still cash up for grabs.

In related news, the Nobel Prize Committee has filed for Intellectual Bankruptcy.

Barack Obama - The One Term Wonder

Posted Fri, 10/09/2009 - 03:11

Hope and Change was a big hit with the kids. And then Obama was forced back down to Earth - where apparently, the rest of the world hates him just as much as they hate us.

Poor Obama - doomed to be nothing more than the Leader of the Free World...

Bah, let's go accept the Nobel Prize for Peace. Who loves Obama? Five Norwegians, aka The World!

Yes They Do!

Blame it on Racism - Rio Steals Obama's Olympic Thunder

Posted Fri, 10/02/2009 - 12:15

Awww... I guess that speech won't be going on his iPod. Michelle is SO not proud of the world right now. It's a very, very bad place. First, he lost America, now the World - But maybe it's not too late for the kids:

He said red, yellow, black or white
All are equal in his sight
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

Rape Rape™ - T-Mobile Announces Killer New Polanski PederApp

Posted Wed, 09/30/2009 - 12:17

Having trouble locating 13 year old girls in your neighborhood? Need a list of powerful narcotics to help you seal the deal?

Then you need Rape Rape™, the slick new PederApp - only from T-Mobile. Because T-Mobile knows most little girls don't really want a pony. No, they want the Polanski treatment.

"So he fucked a little white girl up the ass," Whoopi Goldberg joked on The View, "That was over 30 years ago. Chill out, America! Haw!"

"I wish Roman Polanski had raped me," Melissa Gilbert chimed in, "I can only imagine what it would have done for my career. What a lucky girl!"

And the World So Loved Obama...

Posted Mon, 09/28/2009 - 15:03

They gave him their only begotten Olympics.

In other news, Obama has agreed to ban all American sports in favor of soccer - issuing yet another apology to our weary world. Yes, you may have been programmed by right-wing capitalists to THINK you like football, baseball, basketball - but that's only because you've never been correctly indoctrinated into the wonderful world of soccer. Face it, you're a racist.

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