Imagine

 

ALIENS!!!

And so, the aliens landed.

Being presumptuous little bastards, they immediately demanded,

“Take us to your leader!”

So… you did your best to put them off.

Maybe… uhm… they might first enjoy…

But oh – they are just SO demanding!

“Take us to your leader!”

Oh, I forgot – it’s February of next year already. In your back yard. With aliens.

“Take us to your leader!”

Here, you stop to explain a few things to these aliens.

“Do NOT call us aliens!”

Ah… you’re suddenly thinking you’re gonna get along after all!

You’re liking where this is headed! They’ve already taken offense!

And so you apologize for referring to them as aliens.

And you’re very sincere – because… hey, that’s what you do. Constantly grovel and apologize just for being you!

You’re so VERY horribly terribly sorry for not being even less of a horrible... person? Wait - have we banned the word "person" yet, for being too non-inclusive of those who claim to NOT be a person? Hrrmmm...

“Take us to your leader! We will then decide whether or not to destroy this planet!”

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

It’s now time to explain to these aliens what’s what.

I mean – if they’d only arrived just a tad bit earlier – then… then… they’d UNDERSTAND!

Y’know, what you were up against – why it is that…

Oh well – so you ask them…

“Based on what qualities… exactly? You see – “

“You do not ask questions!”

Touchy little bastards.

Right up your alley! And so you grovel and apologize some more for being you – and then do your best to grovel and apologize for what will undoubtedly result in the end of life on our little planet –

And THEN –

Donald Trump appears!?! Apparently HE still thinks that HE is your leader!

“Who is THIS!?!”

No, it wasn’t the aliens. That’s Donald Trump. Demanding you tell him who the blue creatures with the fins on their heads are, and why you’re standing in his yard?

Yes, it is your yard. But… this is Donald Trump. Master of all he surveys. Yes, that would include your back yard.

“Who are YOU!?!”

That was the aliens. Oh shit.

“I’m his fucking leader. Who the fuck are you?”

You stand behind Donald Trump, doing your best to mime that he’s lying and that he absolutely is not your leader. It was the Russians! And their YUGE lies and disinformations! Spread all over your beloved Facebooks!

And then, you remember who actually IS your actual leader. And decide…

Hmmm… yeah… fuck it.

And, just as you’re accepting the end of the world…

OBAMA!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!! THE EARTH IS SAVED!!!!!!!

“Hello, hello – how are you? How are you? Hello, hello…”

YES!!!! YES!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!

Fuck the stupid aliens landing in your back yard.

Wait ’til everyone hears you just met THE Obama! RIGHT HERE!!!! OMFG!!!!!

You’re not even embarrassed that you’ve wet yourself a little. Stick-kay…

“Nice to meet you all. Welcome. So… whadda you think?”

You wonder what Obama is about to show them – what miracles he’s about to bestow…

“The universe needs a strong leader, a man of action –“

As Obama continues, you suddenly realize…

Obama is apparently running for Supreme Omnipotent Leader of the Universe?

He’s just going on about himself? About how awesome he is? This is new…

Oh… right – yeah, Trump saw your wife. He’s been busy hitting on her. Promising her more free stuff than Obama EVER did!

“STOP THIS!!!!”

Fuuuuuck – that’s the head alien again. You’re not really practiced with alien expressions –

But you’re eager to learn more. You hope they won’t hold your ignorance against you? You’ll try harder to make their ways your own!

Anyway – you were correct. The aliens are apparently incredibly pissed off.

Obama hasn’t stopped talking about himself. The alien repeats,

“STOP THIS NONSENSE!!!! STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!!!!”

Yeah – best of luck with that, buddy. Obama has built up a full head of steam there.

“Hey there now… HEY! Just a second there now…”

You have NEVER EVER been SO THANKFUL to see… JOE BIDEN!!!!!

“You do NOT tell my boss to shut up!”

Fuuuuuuuuck… He has one of them in a headlock…

Oh well… you’d kiss your wife – but, apparently she’s already left with your nemesis?

Y’know – you were right about that guy. Wrong about absolutely everything else – but…

ON the MONEY about that Trump asshole. What a dick! Oh... those sneaky Ruskies!

And, as you vaporize – at least you know that –

Oh, that’s RIGHT – you’re not stupid enough to believe in any god. Duhr…

Plus – you’d LOVE to see those backwards dumbass Christians explain HOW these fucking aliens…

Flower Elders Sacrifice ALL (of us) for COVID

 

The Beautiful #TRUTH™ of the Flower Children

As youngsters, I just don’t think we’re thankful enough?

For those of you who don’t know - in the late 60s, there was to be a get-together in upstate New York.

But the same group of people who demand that all of us stay locked down in our homes forever more? Because hateful diseases are now unfairly targeting them as the elderly?

Well, they canceled that concert, to save their elders - who they loved and respected so very much. That’s just how generous and loving and caring they’ve always been. We could learn so much - if only they might offer to teach us, to possibly share their beliefs? Just once maybe?

And they have never (not even once) assumed power over the rest of us. From Billy Boy on to the Trumpster, they have never held elected office. They fought against such treachery.

That is why - today - we enjoy their #TRUTH™. It’s broadcast to all of us 24/7, simply out of the ether, out of the very essence of #TRUTH™ itself - it seamlessly pervades every waking moment of our lives. You literally can't possibly avoid it. So very beautimus…

And, daring to speak out against it? Why, that would be blasphemy. Also, we do not discuss “politics”. No!

We do not do that! We only speak the #TRUTH™. In fact, institutes of higher education immediately banned debate when our loving Flower Elders finally understood - that opening up their beloved #TRUTH™ to question? Why, that only leads to ever more divisiveness and hate!

And so debate was banished throughout academia - so that their #TRUTH™ might be better cherished… Equally, by everyone!

As for that concert that was never held? We recently spoke to a Mr. Jimi Hendrix, living out his golden years in a home for the elderly in upstate New York.

“I’d love to see my family. Yeah, a ton of us older folk done kicked the bucket. No funerals, nothing. Oh, me? When I was a youngster, I used to play a little gee-tar. Yeah, but that was before my loving elders explained how hateful my music was to their #TRUTH™.”

But, as it turns out, Jimi and a few friends ended up breaking lockdown - where he and his friends played music at a small gathering they shamefully remember as “Being Hateful to Old Folks Who Could Die of COVID and Other Stuffs” - at a little farm near Woodstock, New York.

And Jimi? He was so riddled with guilt that he never picked up his guitar again.

I just think it’s important that we remember their sacrifices. And never ever dare question their true motives of #TRUTH™. That would be backwards, bigoted, and hateful. Also, political - again, as opposed to the #TRUTH™ - which is apolitical and only seeks to enhance our pure understanding in and of itself, broadcast to us 24/7 as the #TRUTH™ which shall never be questioned or opposed.

Please - simply return to enjoying your forever shutdown! It never ends!

Yes! COVID-20 is up next! Seemingly ever more diseases that might kill members of our truthfully Greatest Generation of #TRUTH™. Who, again, as we all remember - have always been known for giving of themselves to others.

Never taking and taking and forever just taking forever more - leaving the rest of us saddled with their beyond infinite mountains of eternal debt they simply don't even acknowledge - y'know, out of politeness? Never!

And do not question it! That would be mean and hateful and bigoted and backwards and just…

Well, we do not discuss "politics". We only help to spread their #TRUTH™. As they’ve taught us - for good reason.

Fellow #TRUTH™ Believers? Please report this site to your authorities now! How horrible it must be for you to be exposed to such… Lies! Smacks of politics, doesn't it? As directly opposed to your faith in the #TRUTH™.

Please! Do not force them to shut down half the web for the greater protection and betterment of all humanity forevermore? Yes, they've always shown incredible restraint - but… do not test them!

Ain’t it the #TRUTH™?

Jimi at 70

Why Argue?

 

#GrandmaToo

 

Debbie Done-in by Democrats

 

Pardon My French? Aucun! France Surrenders to Nouveau National Socialists

 

Care for some water?

 

Hipster Youth

 

Invasion of the Flower Children